Twas the Night before Christmas

And all across the world

Mothers were frightened

Their fingers were curled

Children were locked up

Under their beds

Because Santa was coming

To lop off their heads

Fathers were banging

Nails in the doors

Still they were worried

He’d come through the floors

A fire in the chimney

Might hold him back

But there was no knowing

What he had in his sack

Santa was a devil

They all knew for sure

An evil from which

There was no known cure

He had stolen and raped

Spread disease in his wake

He tortured and murdered

Baked a child in a cake

For mama and papa

No one was worse

What had they done

To deserve such a curse

Later in the evening

And late in the night

Parents were weeping

Overwhelmed by fright

Nothing more could be done

But to wait and wait

Yet all of them feared

That it was too late

Santa would find them

It would be no trouble

He had demons besides

Performing as his double

What had they forgotten

The windows, of course

It was time to board them

Dad hammering with force

Mom and pop became sleepy

As the hour drew near

Into bed they went

As they had every year

That’s when it happened

Santa’s sleigh did arrive

Not a creature was stirring

At least none alive

Down the chimney he came

Sitting comfortably in the fire

Laughing to himself

Filling a salacious desire

Through windows came reindeer

The boards couldn’t hold

Their antlers too powerful

Made from souls that’d been sold

In the living room they gathered

The elves as well

Santa gave a speech

Send them to Hell!

Through the house they scampered

Looking for a kid

It never mattered

How well they hid

They found them in cupboards

Hiding under the bed

They gathered them together

So Old Nick could be fed

Santa took the children

Eaten one by one

He made the parents watch

Until he was done

To the next house they went

With time standing still

Each child that was eaten

Gave Santa a thrill

The reindeer were provided

A few toes to munch

And for the elves

A liver for lunch

When Santa was done

And the night became morn

Christmas day began

Leaving parents forlorn